In a startling announcement, President Vicente Fox of Mexico revealed
that his nation has solved its immigration problem with the U.S. by requesting
annexation as a province of China. As a result of its new status, a plentitude
of domestic jobs will be available.
He made the surprise announcement, not during his recent visit to America,
but immediately upon returning to Mexico.
Mexicans by the millions cheered the decision, throwing fiestas nationwide,
with shouts of “Viva Mexico!” “Viva China!” And
the air rang out with the triumphant neologism, “MexiChina, Ole!”
In his address to the Mexican nation, President Fox stated, " Today,
I announce that our nation has become a proud province of China. As a
result, we will have more than enough jobs to keep our hard-working people
employed at home – and in much better jobs than they find as migrant
workers in the U. S.”
He went on to explain, “Now, it is time for American companies
to invest in Mexico to the same extent that they invest in the rest of
China. Finally, it is time for them to take advantage of all the cheap
labor right next door. Finally, it is time for Mexico to have countless
new factories and, in time, as big a trade imbalance with America as the
rest of China. Finally, the label “Made in Mexico” will come
to stand for everything from knives and forks to Nikes.”
The Chinese were delighted by the Mexican offer, noting, “Acquiring
Mexico as a province is even better than conquering Taiwan. There’s
more cheap labor there, and since it’s right in America’s
backyard, we’ll be able to save on shipping charges. So we’ll
be able to manufacture and deliver goods even more cost effectively than
we’ve been able to with our own cheap labor.”
As expected, U. S. companies immediately reacted to the possibility of
outsourcing production to Mexico. As the CEO of an American company that
was an early entrant into China stated, “It’s absolutely wonderful
to know there’s so much cheap labor so close to home. I never realized
it until Mexico became part of China. You can be sure production orders
from us will soon be heading down Mexico way!”
President Fox, when pressed by a reporter about how he thinks Mexican
workers can compare with Chinese workers in terms of their willingness
to work long hours for low pay, he replied, “What do you think the
entire immigration problem proves? We’ve got millions of workers
who are so dedicated they risk their lives to earn a relative pittance
north of the border.”
The response from Washington was clearly negative. President Bush stated,
“Mexico is in this hemisphere and has no business being part of
China. In addition, we were well along the way to solving the border problem
with fences and the National Guard.”
A reporter questioned if the fence and the presence of the National Guard
might have helped push Mexico toward China.
“Of course, not,” Mr. Bush contended. “We all know
the fence is not an impediment to Mexican-American relations. It would
only keep out the people who aren’t fast climbers, and that’s
just a small minority.” Then, quoting poetry, as he often does,
he continued, “And, just like Robert Frost said, ‘Good fences
make good neighbors.’”
Democrats were quick to castigate the President and Republicans everywhere.
Senator Edward Kennedy exclaimed, “I can’t tell you how upset
I am about this. If we had had wiser guidance from the White House, we
would have thought to advise our corporations a long time ago that they
didn’t have to export jobs clear to China, when they could find
inexpensive labor right across the border in Mexico.”
Senator Charles Schumer, always prescient, noted, “I knew that
fence would not be good for Mexican-American relations. As I said during
the Senatorial debates on immigration, the fence is really just like the
pistol permit laws. Criminals don’t line up for them. They just
go get a gun. And Mexicans intent on becoming illegal immigrants will
find a way to scamper over the wall and slip past the Guard.”
Republican John McCain, straight from his clamorous reception at New
York’s New School, said, “I think the fact that Mexico has
become a province of China is probably not a good thing for the long term
and I’m not sure it’s even good in the short-term. Of course,
we wouldn’t want Mexico to become part of America, either, which,
given the level of illegal immigration we have, is actually kind of what
is happening.”
Dick Cheney was solidly against the annexation, stating, “This
change in nationhood is unacceptable. And, once something like this gets
going, there’s no telling where it will stop. Next thing you know
Venezuela, Peru, and Cuba will be flying the Chinese flag. We must prevail
upon the Mexican government to recant. If the President asks, I’ll
fly down there and tell President Fox these things myself.”
President Bush did not immediately comment on the Cheney offer, perhaps
recalling the diplomatic disturbance the feisty Vice President created
during his trip through Eastern European nations, when he overtly castigated
Russian President Vladimir Putin for backsliding on democracy.
Meanwhile, illegal immigrants in the United States began to stream back
to Mexico, so they could be among the first to line up for the many new
factory jobs that will soon be available. In a last-ditch effort to mollify
the Mexican government, President Bush seemed to indicate that he might
cancel construction of America’s walled answer to the immigration
problem. Since the wall is no longer necessary, there was some chance
that the modification would meet with Senate approval.
An American who was opposed to immigration cheered the change. “The
Mexicans are leaving town as soon as they can get their things together.
What do I care if Mexico had to become part of China to get them back
into their own country?”
Another American, however, had a different take. “I think it’s
a shame we didn’t think of exporting jobs to Mexico while it was
still the land of tacos and enchiladas, not egg rolls, too.”
About the Author:
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com,
has had six shows produced Off-Broadway and has written comedy for TV.
Critics have called his writing ""delightfully funny" and
"witty" with "good, genuine laughs."
Read more articles by: Tom
Attea
Article Source: www.iSnare.com
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